(in reply to “How to attract male attention”)
1. Grow long hairs under your armpits. If you are a beautiful girl, the moment you detect a man watching in your direction, make as if you’re fixing your hairstyle and show the thick bush under your armpit. This will guarantee no more views from this man.
2. Wear wide shorts! That’s an absolute attention killer. Don’t leave them only for the basketball players.
3. Forget about sport and try to eat more in order to gain as much weight as possible. Don’t be afraid to add more cream or sugar to your coffee and increase the deserts. Ice cream, kebab and croissants are your best friends – show them to the world by eating them outside!
4. Stop washing your hair and cutting your nails and, at all, don’t take care of yourself. Embrace the golden rule: “Why taking a shower when I’ll be dirty afterwards anyway?”
5. Smoke cigarettes one after another, but do it like Gaga did when she was playing Jo Calderone.
6. Hold an alcohol bottle in your hand wherever you go. If you still insist on keeping some dignity, put a small bottle of whiskey in your bag and take it out every time there is a thread of male interest.
7. If men press the horn of the car while passing next to you, you can just use the local warm language and not forget to add a visual sign – for more understanding.
8. Do the food shopping – it’s quite ugly seeing a woman dragging 10 full plastic bags on her way back home. Still, watch out and combine this rule with some of the above, as you may find a man that would offer you help.
9. OK, there is a desperate man who decided to talk to you despite all your efforts. You can always burp and say to him that you have divorced 5 times and you have 20 kids at home. Lonely mother with plenty of kids scares men to death.
10. Read “How to attract male attention” and be careful! DO NOT FOLLOW THOSE RULES!